


The Emperor

by orphan_account



Series: The Saga of the Doctor and his Bladder [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Humor, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-10-22 05:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17657111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Doctor gets a slight.. problem, while imprisoned by an emperor. He is then surprised to find the Emperor in possession of some rather unusually rare knowledge, including some very old knowledge about him..!





	1. Meeting the emperor

The Doctor paced around the cell anxiously, trying to take his mind off his issue. Rose interrupted, asking “Why don’t you go in the corner?” The Doctor blushed. “How did you know?”

 

“You did the same at Sattelite 5, remember? Plus, there’s only so many reasons to pace around a room.”

 

The Doctor did remember. Unfortunately. 

 

“You know why not. Not happening,” he said, sitting down and crossing his legs. 

 

“Come on, it’s just me. Besides, who knows how long we’re going to be locked in here?”

 

“No way. I’ll just wait, it’ll be fine,” he said determinedly.

 

“Well, it’s not healthy,” Rose warned.

 

“It’ll be fine for me. I worked it out in my head, I’ve got enough time for us to get out, ask to be let go and get back to the TARDIS. 2 hours and 45 minutes exactly. I’m not a Time Lord for nothing. Superior biology, don’t worry,” The Doctor assured her.

 

Rose gave him a look of disapproval at “superior biology”. The Doctor rolled his eyes.

 

30 minutes later, a guard opened the door and asked them to wait for the Emperor, the leader of the planet, whom they had upset slightly by landing the TARDIS in the imperial garden. 

 

The Doctor’s need had gotten worse, and so he had no choice but do a slight hopping dance on the spot in front of the door. Soon, they were led in, in front of the Emperor. 

 

As soon as he saw the Doctor, Rose noticed the Emperor got a strange gleam in his eye and smiled with the corner of his mouth at seeing him.

 

He proceeded to explain that they were going to be locked up for only one night as punishment, then let go. He looked at the Doctor, with a face that suggested he expected an annoying answer, and asked: 

 

“Any final requests before you’re transported to your holding cell?”, he said with a raised eyebrow. 

 

At this point, the Doctor had calculated he had exactly 23 minutes to find a toilet before his body decided for him. Accepting his fate, he raised his hand. 

 

“Yes, I do, actually. If you wouldn’t mind, I’d really appreciate it if I could be excused...I need to take care of a private matter, you know.. of a biological nature...” he stammered, moving his feet nervously, and scratching the back of his head, “you know how it is, drinking a lot of water...” At this desperate attempt, The Emperor laughed, and put his hand up and interrupted his babbling. 

 

“Stop right there.” 

 

To the Doctor’s astonishment, he then proceeded to speak directly to the Doctor, in perfect Gallifreyan.

 

“Did you really think, after knowing you for so long, I’d forgotten your little speech, Thete?” he said with a smile.

 

The Doctor’s mouth was half open in surprise. The Doctor looked at the Emperor for a moment. His eyes widened in sudden realization.    
  


The Emperor chuckled lightly. He continued, still in Gallifreyan:

 

“Now, how about we try that again Theta? What do you really need?”

 

The Doctor blushed, closed his eyes and gulped, in preparation. 

 

“I need the loo,” the Doctor admitted. 

 

“Thought you might”, said the Emperor, smiling. He said something to the guard, who then walked over to the Doctor.

 

“The guard will take you where you need to go, then back here after. Understood?” he asked, now back to speaking English.

 

“Eh yes. Thank you...Professor Borusa.” the Doctor said with a smile, before assuring Rose he’d be “right back”, and walking down a hallway with a guard, once again scratching the back of his head, awkwardly. 

 

Rose smiled, seeing that the Doctor would be fine. They returned to the surprising news that the prison sentence was a joke, to remind the Doctor to respect royalty, to which the Doctor sighed, and looked at the ground in slight shame. They were then offered to spend a few days at the palace, which they both accepted.


	2. The Tale of Theta Sigma

Rose came into the dining room the next morning ahead of the Doctor. She made sure of this since she needed to ask Emperor Borusa something.

 

“Ah, good morning, miss Tyler. Theta’s still sleeping off the embarrassment I presume?”, Borusa said with a smile. 

 

Rose hesitated at the name he called the Doctor

 

“Yes. What did you just call him?” she asked.

 

“Theta. When the Doctor was at the Academy, he went by the name Theta Sigma,” he explained. 

 

Rose sat down and put food on her plate. 

 

“What Academy?”

 

“The Academy of the Time Lords, on Gallifrey,” he said.

 

“So wait, you’re a Time Lord too? ‘Cause the Doctor said Gallifrey and his people were dead.” Rose asked

 

“Yes, I am. And I’m not the only one left besides him. But the story of how that is possible is one the Doctor is not allowed to know, out of risk to his personal timeline. Just remember, don’t tell him about the others. It’s for his own safety.” Borusa said warningly. Rose nodded. 

 

“Were you at the Academy together?” Rose asked. 

 

“Yes, we were. But not in the way that you think. I am much too old to have been his classmate. I was his teacher.” he answered.    
  


This reminded Rose of the events of the previous day.

 

“How did you know the Doctor needed the loo?” she asked.

 

“Because it’s not the first time I’ve seen that speech of his, miss Tyler. Not the first time at all. I met the Doctor when he was quite young. About 12 years old by your planets standards. One thing I learned quickly, was how awkward he was. This, of course, applied especially to voicing his needs. The ability to speak up wasn’t normally necessary as far as his classmates were concerned, the others were usually quite good at taking care of this beforehand. Theta, however, was not. Hence he found himself quite often, in need of the facilities. Which of course, he wasn’t exactly apt at asking for. A habit developed, of him raising his hand, then when prompted, he would stand up, and attempt to convey what he wanted, as subtly as possible, whilst moving about quite amusingly, scratching the back of his head, keeping his eyes firmly on his shoes, stammering and blushing wildly. His classmates, of course, started laughing at this pitiful display, so I always just nodded and excused him, before he got too humiliated. I eventually coached him into being truthful about his needs, but not after a while of  “encore performances” and sympathetic pep talks. I must say, I’m pleased this regeneration seems so very cheerful. It means 900 years was enough for him to forget all that. Except for the speech, of course!” Borusa said with a laugh.

 

“So you know all his tells then?” Rose asked.

 

“Well, if he’s as awkward as I think he still is, then yes, most of them. He really isn’t very good at discretion. At least, not as good as he thinks.” he answered. 

 

He elaborated, “ I saw your smile when he left yesterday. You know his ways as well, don’t you?” Borusa asked. 

 

“Yes, I do. He definitely hasn’t changed, you’re absolutely right about that.” Rose said with a giggle.

 

“Indeed. Not surprised. Remember this Rose, never underestimate this skill. He’s only got you, and believe me, he might brag about our “superior biology”, but when it comes to the Doctor, that’s what caused the issue in the first place. He may be an adult, but that does not mean he doesn’t need motherly reminders every now and then. Okay?” Borusa asked

 

Rose nodded, smiled and went back to her breakfast. When the Doctor arrived, all three had a nice Gallifreyan breakfast together. The End.


	3. The Barrel Story

3 days later…

The Doctor had landed the TARDIS in the 1770s near Monticello. He walked towards the doors when Rose stopped him.

"Doctor," she started.

"What?" he asked.

"Shouldn't you go to the loo first?" Rose asked.

"No, I'm good."

"Sure? It's been three days. And we are in colonial times."

" Course I'm sure, yeah. I was here for the tea party, I was fine. There have been some advancements in 200 years. Mind you, drinking all that tea..", "Oh, all right then" said The Doctor, surrendering to Rose's suggestion. He walked down a corridor to the toilet.

Later, they met Thomas Jefferson, who was writing things to say to the French, to help their revolution. He made a note of the fact the Doctor didn't use his bathroom upon arrival, as he had before. "Rose," he explained, and that was that.

"Reckon she can keep you from repeating the barrel incident, eh Doctor?", Jefferson said with a chuckle.

The Doctor blushed and closed his eyes, prepared for the worst, upon having THAT story brought up.

"What barrel incident?", Rose asked, with interest.

Thomas Jefferson looked to the Doctor for permission to tell her. He waved his hand dismissively. Thomas Jefferson started,

"Two years ago, as you've probably learned in school, we threw the tea to the fishes up in Boston. Your Doctor, with a different face than you've seen, I think, helped out. Back then, he was a quite avid drinker, specifically of our American-made whiskey. Hence, as nature dictates, he found himself in the unfortunate situation of bursting for the lavatory with none in sight. A man of discretion, he found an empty single gallon-water barrel, broke off the tap, put his "flagpole" in, and proceeded to urinate into the barrel, filling it completely, and throwing it overboard. Then he kept pushing boxes as if nothing had happened." At this point, the third President of the United States almost fell off his chair with laughter. Rose laughed heartily with him.

"That's what you meant when you mentioned drinking a lot of "tea", wasn't it?" Rose asked dubiously.

"Yes." the Doctor admitted.

"Well, good to see you didn't miss the very important lesson," Rose noted. The Doctor nodded in embarrassed agreement.

"Indeed," Jefferson added, smiling.

They proceeded to have a lovely chat about the Revolutionary War, with the Doctor ceasing his embarrassment, instead thinking fondly of his old luscious locks..


End file.
